school tomorrow

Sad.  This is how I feel about school starting.  I am not ready for routine.  Not ready for a schedule.  Not ready to have my kids all going in all different directions.  Not ready for our family to feel too busy to sit and talk.  Not ready for cooler weather.  Just not ready.

Eighth grade and fifth grade and four year old preschool.  Time is just passing by me at lightening speed.  It's so hard for me to swallow.  It makes me sick to my stomach.  When I look into the blue eyes of my son, I see him as I've always see him.  A sweet little boy totally dependant on me.  But when that kid opens his mouth and talks to me, I am immediately jolted back to reality.  His voice is deeper.  It squeaks.  He sounds like change.

Right now, at this age and phase of life, he is change to me.  His thirteen year old self completely represents change to me.  I have never liked change.  And today, change is all around me.  It overwhelms me to the point of drowning.

However, my sweet Lord is never changing. He is always the same.  Everyday.  When everything around me changes and I feel sad and out of control, I can rest in Him.  He is the author of life...the ever changing lives of my sons...He knows them.  He loves them way more than I do.  And he knows how I feel about change and loves me any way.

“But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19 (NLT)