busy

This is my picture blog and even though I love recording our lives through pics,sometimes I just need to type out my thoughts in hopes that it will help me think more clearly. I am not looking for someone's comments to help me fix it, I am just trying to sort it all out. I have a lot on my heart and mind today. At this phase of motherhood, life seems out of control. Out of my control at least. I never thought I would be the parent who's summer schedule would be determined by the high school coaches. But I am. I am the one who has all good intentions to take my kids swimming and make homemade sidewalk chalk and plan fun sprinkler parties in our yard. I have all these fun ideas running through my head yet I know better than anyone that I'll never have enough time or energy or motivation to carry it out. I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by our schedule. By the calendar. By the choices we've made. By not spending enough time on the things most important. How can I teach my children how to set boundaries for their lives if I cannot do it for myself? How do I know when enough is enough? When do I finally say no more? Why do we have to make choices in ninth grade that effect twelfth grade? And how do I know what is right or wrong? Every little decision I make affects my kids. And making a decision for one child always affects the other two. I want to be a wise mother. I want someone to say of me once I am gone that "she loved her family deeply and it showed". I want to teach my boys how to juggle their calendars and that it's okay to say no. That it's okay not to go to every party you are invited to. That it's okay to miss a week of practice to visit your grandparents or go on vacation. That it's okay to break free from friendships that are unhealthy. That being the best at your sport is not the goal, but doing your best is. That being loved and giving love is the best gift you can offer someone. At the end of the day, I just want to be a good example to my boys. I want them to look back on their lives in our home and tell their children how much fun we had. And how special their parents made them feel. And how no matter how busy our family was, they were never overlooked or forgotten, but always fully loved. So in this extremely busy season of life, I pray I can remember what I want for my children and make it happen. I would go to the ends of the earth for them and for their happiness. But hopefully I've showed them where true happiness can be found. In Christ and in family. And not in a full calendar.