how my mind wanders

Yesterday on the drive to church we saw a kid who plays football with our oldest son standing on his front porch smoking a cigarette.  I was completely taken aback.  I guess kids do stuff like that all the time, but not kids I know, surely.

And while sitting in church doing my normal long glance around the sanctuary to see who's there and what they are wearing, it hit me smack in the face.  Kids do what they see their parents doing.  And if that's the case, my kids probably aren't getting anything out of the Easter Sunday sermon cause they are looking to see who's wearing open toed shoes and whose husbands bought them Easter lilies to wear.  

And if that's the case then I need to back up my parenting.  Cause it isn't going to be pretty if my kids do what I do.  Are my kids gonna back track in the grocery store just so they don't have to say  hi to the person they don't particularly like on the next aisle over?  Are my kids gonna sit like a wallflower at a social gathering because someone hurt their feelings and they can't get passed it?  Are my kids gonna hold grudges of passed hurts?  Are my kids gonna skip reading their bibles on the weekends because, it's the weekend?  Are my kids gonna roll their eyes when someone says something that doesn't align with their way of thinking?

Are my kids gonna drive right passed a kid who needs to be invited to church because he's smoking and they might be late for Easter services?

Are my kids gonna volunteer in my grand-kid's classrooms?  Are my kids gonna cry out in prayer when their kids are hurting?  Are my kids gonna fill Easter baskets and Christmas stockings with their kid's favorite things?  Are my kids gonna pray over their kids every night even when exhaustion has overtaken them?  Are my kids gonna say I love you multiple times a day?  Will they hug and kiss their children even when they've disobeyed?

Will they root for their kids on the sidelines of life?

I'm not ever going to be the perfect mother that I see in my head.  When I look in the mirror, I am not who I thought I was, but maybe that's better any way.  I know God isn't finished creating me into the mother that he sees I can be.  And hopefully one thing my kids see in me is grace.  If there's one thing I do see in the mirror it's God's grace.  His grace and mercy in my life are evident in every aspect.  And some days I live in that grace and some days I don't.  And when I don't, I hope my kids learn from my mistakes and witness the true meaning of Easter.